My life in poetry

Does anyone having hope,

Find it brings eternal misery,

They say don’t look back,

But that’s just not for me,

Aged 6, my first memory,

A man touching my private parts,

Fingers where they shouldn’t be,

Slowly breaking my heart.

Sucking something, doing wrong,

I didn’t know what it was,

Forcing it inside of me,

He’s feeling like the boss.

It never got better as I got old,

After a childhood of abuse,

Tortured, rape, date rape drugs,

Alone, sad and confused.

I think about it everyday,

Have flashbacks to those times,

I’m stuck, can’t face emotions,

Only when I talk in rhyme,

No on wants to hear it,

But I want to talk and talk,

Even though I’m getting old, use a Zimmer frame to walk.

I’m afraid every day,

Feel it will happen again,

Living with paranoia,

Feeling abuse and shame.

I really hate my life,

Can’t get out of my front door,

No more kissing or holding hands,

I just can’t face it anymore.

If I had someone to listen,

No Autism or ADHD,

No more confused about being different,

It will always be confusing for me.

Neurodivergeñt, neurotypical,

Opening up a whole new world,

New things to fight with,

Inside I’m still a little girl.

Fight or flight abounding,

It’s the same everyday,

I’m exhausted, burnt out,

Wrong in everything I say.

I’m watching TV (flashback),

Trying to rest (again),

All the time it happens,

I’m slowly going insane.

I would love to live a little,

Before my time is done,

We have already run the race,B

Before the starter gun.

Caroline Louise.